I have noticed that, in my circle of friends, those with lighter or white skin are always picked out by guys at parties, and I stay alone. On the other hand, there's the 'big dick' stereotype and even cases like when an ex-boyfriend told me he only walked hand in hand with me to show other people that he was dating an attractive black guy, as if I were a trophy. In the first two relationships I had, I didn't understand those forms of racism and thought they were just bad jokes. Some white guys say that they don't like 'dark guys' this term is awful because of taste or because their dicks are too big for them.
I squandered my 20s by not having enough sex. If I were rating my sex life in that decade through emoji, I behaved like the yellow one with his eyes closed and a straight line where a smile should be. I should have acted more like a cross between the eggplant and the one no one I know uses to signify raindrops. I wish I had been more of a slut, and while I am well aware that it is never too late to join the team, there are certain consequences that come with lateness. For me, that is a sense of stunted development.
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One night in Sydney, I was a little taken by a year-old woman in a gay bar. A mutual friend introduced us, and we proceeded to have a curious conversation about color — or as she would have said, colour. She was a chatty and congenial Aussie, with a distinctive no-bullshit edge. There are too many of those in Sydney… and Cape Town… and New York City… and pretty much everywhere with thriving gay nightlife! She was definitely my kind of girl.
First, understand that acknowledging the ways in which you perpetuate racism is not nearly as painful as being on the receiving end of that racism. As a black, Latino gay man raised in the conservative South, I too once internalized problematic beliefs. To unpack and understand what makes sexual preferences racist, you have to understand that anti-blackness is a core American value. Men of every race can be short, hairy, or have green eyes. Only black people can be discriminated against for being black people.